i love kristen kirksey!

I'm nearing in on my last month here in Stellenbosch, South Africa. I love South Africa. It's so beautiful here, and I know that one day, probably soon, I will be back here to vacation, live, learn, and aid the people here.

I am really looking foward to coming home though. Like, I am SO glad that my friend Kristen is studying abroad in the Dominican Republic too, because otherwise, I feel like NO ONE would understand where I was coming from right now. After talking with her, I felt so relieved that she was feeling the same way. I had to talk about it on the blog so that my family and friends can know exactly how I've been feeling. At first I wasn't going to write about it, because I know that people in my program look at my blog too and I didn't want it to be big deal or something. But, whatever. This is for my friends and family; I must be honest.

I MISS MY FAMILY. You guys are crazy, silly, and so supportive. I miss feeling cozy. I miss making fun of my momma with Greg until she makes both of us leave the room. I miss going to my dad's and Tomyra's house watching crazy movies that no one has ever heard of and playing PHASE 10! Thanksgiving will be really special for me this year; I am thankful to have you guys in my life.. although yall are crazy.

Missing my family has come natural. What I didn't expect to be so strong is my longing for my friends. I MISS YALL! Like so much. I cannot believe I am lucky enough to know these people! People here... I don't know how to explain it without it seeming negative. They are like my temporary friends. Like, I don't trust them that much. Not through any particular fault of their own, but I just can't trust people I barely know. And, sometimes I get the feeling that if you weren't there for the conversation, you were the conversation. I found myself talking about people behind their back, and I am just not like that at home. So, I kind of tried to stop doing that. I think I've been doing a pretty good job at it.

I was at first going over my friends' house like everyday. But, after Spring Break.. after doing so much and spending, what was probably, too much time around the same people, I took a good look at myself. I am just not the type of person to be following folks around like that. I am too independent. I'm usually the hermit crab. I first and foremost need my privacy. I don't like the whole world knowing what I am doing. When I would be alone in my room, it would be lonely, because I always had David to light up the room back in Nashville. But, now, all of a sudden in South Africa, I needed to be around people!!??

Uh.. no. That's just not me. So, since then, I haven't been going there as often (not at all really, and I guess I should have transitioned that better because some of the students there are like "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHAT'S WRONG?"). I've still been doing many activities, getting out and doing stuff everyday, and having fun with other people. I've met many South African students since then, and I really like it. It's amazing how much they know about America. I like going to my room at night and just chilling. At first, I was like spending the night over there and having to run back to my room and take a shower before class and doing all this stuff.. like ridiculous. Who was that girl?

What it is is when you get here, they stress being social and making friends. So, you get into "make friends immediately" mode. When, in my usual world, I don't care about other people like that! I really don't. I know who I am, and I know how I can be percieved. It's not that you need to tell me what you think about me... NO.. I know what you think. I'm not oblivious to what you think... I just don't care what people think about me. My close friends are the ones that can actually make me upset and hurt me or make me happy and cheer me up.

Like, I care about the friends I've made here. If they needed me I would try my best to be there for them, because I am not heartless or anything. I am Christian, and I try to do my best. I feel like when people have needed me (when they're sick, or drunk, or having troubles), I've been there. But, at the end of the day, I don't expect them to do the same things for me. The only thing I expect from them is to have a good time with me. That's it. We can go out... party... have a good time... hike.. shop... have lunch.... or whatever. But, at the end of the day, I know not to expect them to be a David Law or a Kristen Kirksey. There are a few people that I hope I can keep in contact with; they're cool people, and I learn a lot from them.

I feel SO GOOD since I've realized this stuff. I mean.. I feel like I've gained piece of mind. I don't know what I was thinking about before. I came in thinking we'd be getting matching tattoos and stuff and that I would have some kind of unbreakable bond or something with everyone. I was so naïve. I guess I do sort of share a bond with them; we've expierenced South Africa together. But, I am definitely not getting the tattoo! Hahaha.