trinidad - little things i didn't get to mention.

-          the rainy season

when it rains here, it pours extremely hard for like 10 minutes usually.. and then stops. except, there have been some days where it seems to do that off and on all day long.

-         

p    people are so friendly

pe   people are usually really really friendly. i always feel like an older black woman will go out of her way to take care of me or just be super nice to me. like… when i first got here, a lady in the airport just started talking to me. she had me watch her luggage and she was so nice and friendly. when i was at the old time wedding in tobago, a woman shielded me from the rain and was really nice to me. then, there was that woman at the waterfall. i feel like i’m forgetting some women. this happened to me in south africa too. i love it because i just like watching that motherly instinct snap on in people. you know.. they look at you....square you up… and once they see that you’re harmless, they temporarily adopt you. i just love it when i find a warm woman like that.  

-          beef with jamaica?

i don’t know, but i sense a little beef between trinidad/tobago and jamaica. i think a lot of the things we associate with jamaica in the states (such as wining), actually originated in trinidad/tobago and people aren’t happy about that. at least, that’s my perception. it may not be beef with them though.. they probably got beef with the states because we don't take the time to learn things like that. the only islands most people have heard of in the caribbean with a large black population on it is jamaica & haiti (the other island they know is cuba). 

sleep!

-          i have been running to the bed every night. running. i usually end up doing that during midterms or finals back home, but this is every night here. i even have an easy time sleeping in vehicles now. the days are really exhausting. and, the sun sets so early and rises so early that it’s just making me so exhausted trying to keep up.

the year for people of african decent.

the u.n. apparently declared this year to be the international year for people of african decent. i’m just now hearing about this , because here in trinidad/tobago, it is kind of a big deal. i guess in america, it doesn’t matter. interesting.

these are some of my favorite trini songs.

machel montano – “gyal wuk (whistle riddim)” and ****** my fave “illegal” ******

benjai – “wine to the side”

kes – “wotless”


KFC!!!!!!!!!!

^yes... a kfc attached to a gas station.

 ^menu from the kfc in the airport

YES.. they DELIVER!

^ YES. A KFC WITH A "PLAY PLACE"

day eighteen - the parade and THE FINAL DAY!!

we had to get up early in order to get to the emancipation day parade in port-of-spain. we had to wear these t-shirts from the pan-african studies department. ugh.. i kind of didn't want to wear it because, as i saw when i got there, almost everyone around us had on african-inspired clothes. headwraps.. and more. i just felt a little dorky. lol.

when we got to the treasury building (where their emancipation proclamation freeing the slaves was read), there were so many people everywhere! it was mostly black people. there was a guy making a speech. i love trinis! like, if someone is making a speech and the crowd doesn't like what they're saying, you'll hear an instant wave of boos (i wish arielle was here). lol. i think he tried to thank the arts ministry or something for the event... but, from what i understand, many feel like the black events don't get a lot of funding and there were many obstacles, such as getting a home for the heritage festival, that could have been made easier. i was a little nervous about being in the parade. i knew it was going to be really long and, the sun was blazing and there were so many hot bodies. but, as soon as the music started... i was like "let's do it!"

we stopped in a souvenir shop, but there wasn't anything there that i felt like i had to buy. i'm already a picky shopper and when i am almost broke, i definitely won't buy anything. i was just really anxious to begin the parade. after a while, lavergne led us behind a group in the parade and we merged in with them. we were behind a float that was blasting music really loud. i just had such a good time. there was nothing but good vibes and i tried to soak it all up. i mean, when do any of us get to be around an entire sea of black people... dressed in african clothing... dancing.. and liming? and the music was all this social activist stuff and was about celebrating. they would loop the song for about 30 minutes so i tried to learn all of the words. and i just danced and danced.

patrice went on the trip last year and told me that her group was lame and didn't dance the entire time. so, i was determined to make her proud and dance the entire time. about 30-45 minutes in though, i looked behind me and saw no one from my group. i got a little nervous, but then i saw kenwyn and yakira a few rows back waving their arms to let me know that they were there. i felt better and continued to dance. i had a blast! the music was good. and... i mean, the whole day is dedicated to black ancestors... to the people that slaved and went through so much horror. if all i have to do is dance down some streets to honor them, i'm there!

this entire day, it looked like rain.. but never did actually rain. lol.the sun started beating down and i started wondering "hmm... how long is this thing?" whenever i thought about stopping, i just thought about how i've probably danced longer in nightclubs. so, i kept going. this isn't like some straight down "market street" in chattanooga parade...  it took turns and was seriously long.  it was from the treasury building in port-of-spain to the lidj yasu omowale village at the queen's park savannah. i probably danced from 10:00 am until about 12:30pm. when i thought we were close to being done, i stopped and got a snow cone, a staple in trini foods. i asked the guy what kind of flavors he had, and he kind of looked at me like "really?" lol.. everyone basically only sells two flavors.. "kola," which looks like cherry but i can't be sure what it tastes like.. and pineapple. i went for the pineapple and it was so refreshing. i was burning up. 5TT$

after about another 30 minutes of dancing, i had danced to the end of the procession. i did it. i felt so good that i did the entire thing. yakira told me that the parade during carnival is twice as long and the music is nine times as fast. errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... i might rethink trying to do carnival.. lol. or at least get into really good shape before i go. i'm thinking about coming back for that in two years. so, that's plenty of time, right? anyways, we got into the festival area and found the rest of the group. after i found out that we were no longer going back to maracas beach, i decided it was time to go ahead and spend the rest of my TT$. i had like 35 TT$ left (like $5 amercan dollars.. lol). before i got a chance to figure out what i wanted to buy, it was time to head back to the dorms.

when we got there, i decided to go and spend the rest of my money around town buying my favorite trini treats. i went to the store and bought so many kiss cakes. dr. turley told me that they were good, and kenwyn had warned me that they were like a drug... but that only made me want them. lol. i've been eating them from time to time whenever we stop on the road. paired with a bottle of water, it's like the perfect snack time. they have creme inside, but it isn't all filmy like i find cream in snack cakes is back in the states. and the cake has a slight orangey/lemony taste. they aren't really sugary and there is no icing on top. they are just really soft and delicious.

i bought like 12 packs of them.. lol. i also picked up some banana solos, cokes & pepsi's (because they don't have corn syrup in them like they do in the states. they have sugar cane instead and taste delicious), and khurma (those little crunchy ginger sticks). i was going to also get a coconut, but i didn't feel like carrying it. lol. last but not least, i got my last double from a place nearby the school. people think i try to be slim.. and cheap.. but i literally can only eat one double. usually the line is long, but i guess everyone was at the festival. when i ordered the double, the workers made fun of me. 

one double? ONE DOUBLE!? just one?

lol. sorry. i can only eat one! i went back to my room... made a cup of coca cola, got the double, and sat in front of my computer and watched a movie. it was perfect. it was so perfect. after dancing and walking around for hours... just sitting down with that double and that coke made the whole trip worth it. i felt so good. the food was so good. then, someone knocked on my door... dr.talley and dr. turley were downstairs, ready to meet with us to talk about our departure. i went downstairs with the rest of my double and listened as we got told the procedures for coming back to the states. after the meeting, i went back to my room and chatted online. 

at around 8pm, we left the dorms to go to lavergne's home. she had invited us to dinner. her home was so lovely. i took a picture of their living room and kitchen so i could steal their ideas for my new apartment... lol. and LIAM, lavergne's 1 year old son, was awake! i could play with him for hours. he's just so cute. and, he was in his own territory so he was just entertaining us (it's kind of interesting how that is. like, even when you're a kid, you know that when you invite someone into your home, you have to entertain them. or maybe that's a trini cultural thing that he picked up.). constance, lavergne's sister, cooked some fish and bake.. it wasn't shark but it was delicious. there was slaw and pineapples to go with it. we all talked for a while and i played with liam for a while. suddenly though, it was time to go. and, i was telling liam goodbye and he was like "no!" and he grabbed my hand.

i felt like it wasn't just liam i was saying goodbye to... it was trinidad, a place i really fell in love with. and, the urge to come back here is really strong. i love this place. i really do. and, i think i like the people here a lot more than the people in south africa. i'm not trying to judge them or anything. i don't say this in a mean way or something. but, what i think i saw in south africa was really an almost broken people by comparison to the people here. there's this ridiculous amount of optimism in south africa. so much optimism but it's hanging on by a thread. i can see that it could easily go from a 10 on the optimism scale and crash all the way down to 1. you know.. they had nelson mandela and that triumph.. and then a couple of corrupt governments. and things have changed but not really from what i observed... in america, i think we call it "progress" (you know.. a black guy becomes president... people are still getting discriminated against and there's as much racism as ever... but they call it "progress"). coming to trinidad made me see south africa in a new light... i love trinidad/tobago. i would come here to relax, but as far as research goals, my desires to study south africa have never been stronger. i just have an urge to figure out and unpackage what's going on in south africa. 

i went back to the dorm and stayed up all night washing clothes, cleaning, packing, and chatting online. since we were scheduled to leave our dorms at 4:00am to catch our flight, i didn't see the point of going to sleep. i wanted to sleep throught the flight. 

i was sad to leave trinidad and tobago. i had a great time there. and, i'm sure i'll be back some day. 

day seventeen - liming at the beach. i could do this everyday.

i got up super early so that i could make the macaroni and cheese (or “macaroni and che” as me and kenwyn have been calling it since i didn’t have enough cheese! lol) for our lime at the beach. i got up and went downstairs into the kitchen that i had never used. i was SO GRATEFUL to lavergne’s husband and dr. turley for insisting that i learn how to use a gas stove and teaching me how to in tobago. so very grateful. i looked around for matches. there were none. i thought lavergne and kenwyn had given us some on the first night when they gave us all kinds of dishes and pots and pans. but, i guess not. i searched all over the kitchen but there were no matches in sight. i decided to go ahead and try to grate the cheese up. there was no grater so i had it set in my mind that i was going to try to grate it with this spoon that we had that had holes in it (lol! i was so determined) or cut it up into thin slices. the whole process was going very slow. i thought i might as well cook the noodles and at least have something done since the cheese was going no where.

so, i decided to go to the lobby front desk and ask them. on my way there though, i passed by the common area and immediately thought to look in the common kitchen area that the students of the university use. sure enough, there were match boxes all above the stove. some of them still had matches in them. so i took one box. i also saw a grater sitting near the kitchen sink. i went ahead and borrowed it too and took it back to our kitchen. the matches that i had picked up were old... and the box was too stale to strike a match on. i had to run back to the common kitchen for another box. this time i was able to get a more fresher box. the matches lit but the stove still wouldn't light. i was so frustrated. i couldn't figure out what was wrong. then, i wondered about the switch on the gas tank. when i first started cooking, i assumed it was closed (like it should have been)... and had switched it to what i thought was open. however.... i switched it back and tried to light the stove.. it finally lit! meaning.. apparently the gas tank had been left open all these days (not good. we could have blown up if there was a leak in the hose).

the "macaroni and che" cooked up well enough... but there just wasn't enough cheese! kenwyn called and told us that the bus wouldn't be arriving until later so i went upstairs and chilled a bit and then headed to the bus with my "macaroni and che." some of kenwyn's friends and family joined us on our trip to toco beach. it was a really long drive, and there was heavy traffic at some points but there were some great views along the way.

maracas beach was such a touristy beach... but toco beach was full of trinis. everyone was liming with their families and having a really great time. the beach itself was GORGEOUS. i had to get in the water as soon as we got there. i just fell in love with that beach. 

i got in the water for a minute and then i sat in a palm tree and ate really quick... all the food was pretty good. then, i headed back into the water. there was like this forbidden area right in front of where we had set-up our picnic. i didn't know you couldn't swim in there UNTIL i hopped in and a life guard blew his whistle at me. SO EMBARRASSING! lol. so, i went into the area on the right side of our camp and swam around a bit. the current was really strong and it kept pulling me. when i saw a crab's arm float by me.. i was like "TIME TO GET OUT!" lol. i went back to camp and had a beer. my favorite beer here is "stag." it's advertised as being "for men." whatever! 

i headed back into the water but this time, i went to the other side of the beach. it was a lot better. the current wasn't as strong and all the people around me were super friendly. i came back to the beach for something to drink and then headed back to the water with kenwyn, yakira, and kenwyn's two little sisters. it was really fun splashing around, and kenwyn's little sisters are so silly. there was good music playing too. i just really began to enjoy the water... hopping as the waves come in... pushing away debris or "floaties" as i call them. i can see why people love the beach so much. i could totally get used to going to the beach every week. we stayed in the water for hours... then, something bit yakira's finger, so.. we were all like "TIME TO GET OUT!" lol. 

i went back to our site and had a beer and some of the delicious watermelon dr. turley had bought off the side of the road. i actually don't really like watermelon, but this summer, i've been in some hot places... and i've began to realize how refreshing watermelon can be. after sitting around for a second, i decided to walk down the beach and people watch. everyone was liming! it was such a relaxed, care-free environment. i got hit on a couple of times, which is aaalllwwaayyyss a confidence boost for me when i'm in my swimsuit... lol. really, nobody cares about any of that stuff here. on the beach, all you see is these really fat women in tiny bathing suits, flaunting their curves. and, i just soaked up all the vibes. i have fallen in love with the people here. 

i was determined to walk all the way to the end and see the entire beach. when i got to the end, there was this point where a stream from inland and the sea met. i really wanted a picture of it so i went back to the site to get my camera. when i got there, everyone was packing up to leave. i was thinking, "already!?" i could have stayed there all day. i asked kenwyn if we were leaving and he didn't seemed to thrilled about leaving either. he told me that i could go and take my time. 

we won't leave you.

so, i got my camera and took a couple of pictures. there were palm trees that had fallen into the water. people were climbing on them and playing on them. i wish i could have stayed there all day.

after i took my pictures, i followed kenwyn and his family back to the bus. i tried to go to sleep on the bus but the driver was playing some songs that i knew! some taurus riley and gyptian (i have to thank kristen kirksey for putting me on those songs).

she's royal.
so royal. and i want her in my life.
i never knew anyone so divine.
the way she moves to her own beat..
she has the qualities of a queen.
so supreme.
oh. what a natural beauty.
no need no make-up to be a cutey..
she's a queen! 

after we got back to the dorms, i tried to blog and work on a little research. then, i fell asleep. 

day sixteen - the monastery and more emancipation festival

i got up early, like usual, and literally had nothing to do. since we decided not to go to port-of-spain, there was nothing to do. it was also raining really hard. i thought about going to the library but jessica told me it was closed. so, i just sat in the room and watched movies and worked on my research paper.

at around 3pm, shannon knocked on my door and told me kenwyn was downstairs and waiting to take us to the monastery. i wasn't told that we were going, so i wasn't ready. i had to toss on some clothes really fast and make my way downstairs. we caught a taxi to bottom of the road that led to the monastery (only 3TT$, but i would have rather walked because i knew it was a really short walk) and then took the monastery shuttle to the monastery (4TT$). there was really nothing particularly special about the monastery except that it had a great view of st. augustine. it was just very peaceful and relaxing.  i laid down and listened to the birds.

we took the shuttle back down to the main road. dr. turley and i went back to the dorm while kenwyn took the others to the grocery store (i had already gone). dr. turley and i just chilled downstairs, which was my first time doing so. i usually stay away from there because it's so hot. we had a good time though. i reheated the dinner constance made that i was saving and it was delicious (?roti? bread, curried potatoes and veggies, and chicken). dr. turley and i talked about everything.. food... black rights issues.. her research. she's really cool. we also watched BET. "barbershop 2" was on. lol.

after everyone got back from the grocery store, we took a bus back to the emancipation festival. tonight was the "pan-african concert" night. when we first got there, there was a 10 year old boy (i think his name is timel rivas) rocking the mic with calypso. i got to sit and talk with his mother too. she was super nice. she had broken her sandal. lol. next, kizzy ruiz performed. and she blew me away! she was really good and she performed a song about helping haiti. i kind of had forgotten about haiti...  that's what calypso is though. it's music that deals with social issues.

after ruiz, i marvelous marva performed. she was amazing as well. she sang this one particular song about the killings that were claiming the lives of the young black males of trinidad and tobago. the entire time i've been here, i've felt nothing but safe. i felt more safe here than i did in south africa. but, i kept hearing whispers of bad things happening in certain communities.  i didn't really take it in until i heard marvelous marva sing about being a mother and worrying about her son. dr. turley told me that the last year the students were here, there were 500 killings... they were only here for like 3 weeks! the murdering of the black male youth is a really huge issue here.

after marvelous marva, the "african dance theater - wasafoli" performed and they brought the house down! they were so good. it was sort of a romeo and juliet story line but done completely afrocentric style and with no words.. only dance. and it was a long performance. they had to have practiced for so long. but really.. it reminded me a lot of the african drumming class that i took in undergrad. you don't learn a dance with long choreography, per say... u learn a whole bunch of moves and the moves correspond to certain drum patterns. once the drum master drums out the directions and each drum pattern has its own move.

after their great performance, we left and i went back to the dorm to get some rest.

day fifteen - "take 'em to church!"

today, i woke up super early determined to go to the grocery store. i needed to go ahead and buy macaroni and extra sharp cheddar cheese for our lime on sunday at the beach. i have.. like.. NO MONEY… so, i wanted to buy that first before i spent another cent. i got up.. walked to the grocery store, the “hi-lo” (which always reminds me of the “bi-lo” grocery store in chattanooga.. lol). when i got there, i noticed the parking lot was empty. the attendant blocking the entrance told me that they opened at 8am… which was an hour away. -_- . so, i walked around to different gas stations. they actually had what i needed but it wasn’t the right kind of cheese (i just don’t know how i feel about cheese that’s not orange. it’s supposed to taste the same, but it never does to me.) so, i figured i could walk back to the dorm and chill out until 7:50am and then go back to the store instead. i came back to my dorm room, talk to my brother in china on skype, and then headed back to the grocery store.

i don’t know what i was expecting, but i was quite surprised by the store. i guess i was expecting the store to be quite small and maybe grimy inside, because it didn’t look like much on the outside. but, inside, it really did look like “bi-lo” or “krogers” from home. i chose some cheap macaroni (making sure that it was “elbow macaroni” because, as i learned in south africa, there are many different types of macaroni. here, they have big macaroni like in south africa and also, they have macaroni that’s just long tubes kind of like spaghetti). there was only one choice for extra sharp cheddar cheese and while i was hoping it would be cheaper, it was about the same price as it is at home.

after i purchased my items, i went back to the dorm, showered (with moths on the walls), put the other ½ of my tuna sub from subway in my bag, and got on the bus for our trip to pitch lake. south trinidad seems very different from northern trinidad. the land is flatter and life looks like it moves even slower there. pitch lake is located in the town of la brea (which is spanish for “the tar”), and is the largest deposit of asphalt (or “pitch”) in the world. and, it’s connected to other deposits around the world (such as the tar pit in los angeles, california) through veins deep in the earth that go underneath the ocean. the asphalt is harvested and sold to companies all over the world. some of the asphalt is even in front of buckingham palace in england. it’s interesting, however, that trinidad/tobago has really sucky streets. it seems that all of the asphalt is being exported to make streets in other countries better.

the guide took us all around the lake. it was very dangerous… because, if you step on the wrong spot, you can fall into the liquid asphalt. if someone’s around, it will be hard to get you out and everything you have on will be ruined. if no one is around to help you, you will die. walking on the asphalt was kind of fun though. we walked on the hard spots. the hardened parts were still really soft because the sun was melting it a bit. so, as you walked along, the asphalt would mold to shape your foot. it felt really good. and i got to see a really weird plant (mimosa pudica) that i’ve never seen before. if you touch it, the leaves instantly turn brown and shrivel up!

^ you hear that man talking about that sulfur water? how could i resist? i brought my bathing suit so that i could swim around in this alleged miracle sulfur water. i don’t know if it changed my skin at all, but it was so relaxing. i had to slide in because it was literally a crevasse in the hardened asphalt where a pool of water had collected. and, there were air bubbles of natural gas from inside the earth rising to the surface. the water definitely smelled like sulfur (like rotten eggs) but it wasn't too bad. it was somehow really relaxing.

after my swim, we headed back to the bus. on the way back to st. augustine, we stopped in a mostly indian community for something to eat. i had already eaten my tuna sub so, i wasn't hungry. kenwyn was looking for roti (it's kind of like a burrito.. but with curry and veggies/meat inside). during his search, kenwyn was nice enough to buy us all some little treats to taste. i can't remember the names of any of them... just that they were delicious. kenwyn has figured out that i love sugar. lol.

i fell asleep on the bus ride back to st. augustine, but not before we passed by a funeral. as a matter of fact, it seemed like a lot of funerals. and there were stacks of wood on fire... i think cremations were taking place. it was kind of beautiful. the dead, surrounded by their friends and families, being burned and the smoke rising into the air... back into the world.

when i got off the bus, kenwyn told me he wanted to meet up with me later so he could get some help for his blog. i said "okay" and went to my room for a sweet nap. a few hours later, kenwyn came by and i went with him to his office to help him with his own blog. i just showed him a few things.... how to change backgrounds and settings. and, he told me that my blog was really good, which made me feel AWESOME. especially, considering the ridiculous blown up drama from the day before. he even told me that i reminded him of v.s. naipaul, a really world renowned trini author! i was like.. WOAH, because i have read some of naipaul's stuff before. he has a nobel peace prize in literature. and, he told me that naipaul, who many people don't like because he's so blunt (lol.), would go on these trips and take detailed notes... not thinking about it really...and years later ended up using them to write travel books and novels. i hope that's me some day.

after a while, kenwyn, yakira, and me headed back to the dorm to pick up everyone else for lavergne's church play. i really liked being in the car with kenwyn and yakira because they remind me so much of being around victor and ashley... or marquez and tashia. i just enjoy the vibes couples in love give off. that silly.. comfortable.. lovey.. joy that two people in love radiate into the air. since i couldn't be around my love, i just tried to soak up all of their vibes.

the church play was amazing. it was the best church play i've ever been to. my church back home needs to step their game up! the costumes, dancing, singing, set design, playwriting... nothing was skimmed over. our social coordinator lavergne and her husband and sister were in the play. constance, lavergne's sister, is so nice. she's not quiet.. but she isn't loud either. she's the choir director and had a solo during the church play though. I COULD NOT BELIEVE HER VOICE. she had some celine dion pipes. i mean, she can really sing.

the church play was about a mother who used to be on drugs but had found god. she had two sons... one who was really bad, who sold drugs and robbed and was an all-around thug... and one who was good, smart, but attracted to that thug lifestyle like all young teen boys are. the mother had cut off the bad son and he had cut her off too. they were "dead" to each other. there were two stories going on simultaneously really (which is why the play was so good). there was the story of the mother and her sons and then a story about the church. old, gossiping women in the church were against the youth choir. the pastor brought in a new former drug addict to do some work around the church and have a job/place to sleep. and the two stories were woven together. in the end, all of the main characters end up in the church. a guy that the bad son tried to kill comes to the church and accidentally shoots the good son in the scuffle. he dies but is revived by god. i have forgotten which story in the bible it's supposed to mimic (i cannot remember for the life of me) , but it was really good. i enjoyed it.

what i found most interesting though was the fact that i was IN A CHURCH IN TRINIDAD/TOBAGO. i think that from now on, wherever i go, i'm going to make it a habit of going to a church there (and i'm really glad i went to church in south africa) because you learn about the country through the church. it astonished me how similar it was to church back home. i don't know many church songs, but they did many of my favorites. there was a steel pan in the church band and they did do some songs with recognizable island flavor, which i really enjoyed, but not many.

as unique as trinidad/tobago culture is... in that church, i saw such a reflection of america that it astonished me. it made me miss my church family too. i especially missed my aunt robin. the church play was just their dress rehearsal.. so,  there weren't many people there watching but our group. but... nobody clapped... nobody sang... nobody shouted... nobody did anything but watched. some people closed their eyes and caught a few minutes of a nap. but, i really wanted to stand up and move to the music at least. i at least wanted to hear my grandma's (r.i.p.) voice shout "tell me about it" like she always used to do if the pastor said something she liked. the environment just didn't feel right.. it was missing those real "church folk." so, i just swayed from side to side in my chair and mouthed a few words. i wish my aunt robin was there... i can always depend on her to get crunk for god. lol.

after the play, lavergne gave us to-go bowls of food constance had made. i just saved mine for later. the plan for the next day was to go to port of spain to go shopping. but it didn't really seem like anyone wanted to go. i didn't really want to go either.. cause i mean... why would a broke person go shopping? lol. i know i can't buy anything. so, everyone decided to just not go. on the ride back to campus though, yakira was describing port-of-spain and talking about how when you visit somewhere, you should always visit the capital. i immediately regretted the decision not to go! it was too late though. i got back to campus and crashed in the bed.

day fourteen - what an unnecessarily long day.

soooo…i got up and watched “40 year old virgin” again (because it was just too funny the night before) while i finished taking down my hair, which took a lot longer than i thought it would. my mom is a BEAST for

braiding my hair.. because it was such a struggle for me to even take down. i ended up having to rush and shower and put on my clothes. when i was ready though, i went to the cultural center where we would be presenting so i could rehearse the poems.

i’m sitting outside.. and about 10 minutes later, everyone else arrives. jermaine, a student on the trip, sits next to me. the others go inside the open lobby and begin talking about how they don’t want to go to pitch lake the next day (which is what we're scheduled to do).. and that if we all agreed that we didn't want to go, they thought we wouldn’t have to go. jessica asks everyone if they want to go and they all say “no”… except for me. because, i want to go. i want to see everything i can see here in trinidad and tobago. i don’t know when i’ll be back here, so i want to see it all. i could see it if i came back to the islands some time in the future, but i already paid for the transportation when i paid for this trip… it’s set up for me to go already… so, why wouldn’t i go? and, i trust kenwyn and lavergne. if they put it on the schedule, it must be worth seeing because everything else on the trip so far has been so awesome to me. also, i’m into geology and took a course over it in undergrad. so, I WANT TO GO. “do you want to go to pitch lake?” my answer is "yes."

immediately after my answer, jermaine gets up and goes not 5 feet away from me and says something like “man.. fuck her.. she always trying to be different from the rest of the group” in a hushed tone. so, i thought about not saying nothing for like… a millisecond (lol)… then i was like .. "uh uh". you're not about to talk crap about me when i’m sitting right here. so, i confronted him. i was like “how am i trying to be different by doing what’s on my schedule?” and he goes from where he’s at in the lobby and steps ALL the way in my face… talking about “you’re fake! you’re as fake as your hair was…!”… and i’m “talking shit about everyone behind their back”…  and all this jazz… and you know what it was all over…? my blog! my journal. this little travel blog that you're reading right now! lmao. that’s extra petty. a blog? really? he referred to the day that they left me... now re-read that.. the day that THEY left ME. you know what he didn't like? he didn’t like that i told exactly what happened on my blog. my trip. MY experience. how am i fake for telling EXACTLY what happened? ??? and that’s exactly what i said… i was like “NAME ONE LIE ON THERE… NAME ONE!!!”… could he name one? no. couldn’t name one. couldn’t say anything. couldn’t go from there… and i told everyone that .. i pointed to all of them.. “name one lie? name one lie? name one lie?”. could anyone name one lie i had told? not one. how is it "negative blogging" when i literally recorded what happened? it's bogus.

i’m recording my trip on here… i’m not about to skip anything. this is my personal journal. if you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it. and how is it behind anyone’s back when it’s RIGHT HERE ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB for everybody to read!??  i mean, the entire premise of his argument makes no sense. but we’re living in an illogical world and people get mad when you tell it like it is. the truth hurts. i guess i was supposed to say “i went downstairs and everyone was gone.. and i wasn’t pissed off at all that the people i thought had my back walked right passed my door and left me.” like.. why would i say that when i spent a large part of that day upset..?...  why would i set myself up to remember a huge lie?

this blog is about MY experience.. not your ego.. or for anything else. it’s been plenty of things i coulda said… all kinds of things have played a part in other people’s trips (people getting sick.. people falling…).. but i haven’t even mentioned that on here.. cause it’s not really a part of my experience to be mentioning. but if you do something that influences my experience, it's going to find it's way on this blog. it's as simple as that. i'm not going to edit my memory for you. i need to remember exactly who you were.

and he’s yelling out “you have issues… you have issues!” nigga, what issues? you don’t even know me…? like, … not in a “you don’t know the real me” way… i’m talking LITERALLY … i have never been around him at all in my entire life. the things he knows about me can be found on facebook. and i didn’t have any issues when he was trying to dance all over me in tobago. and that's all i have to POST about that.

and i don’t regret putting up that post at all. cause, like i said, i know i’m in this on my own. i’m glad i found out then rather than later. oh.. and did anyone come to my defense? did social rights activists step up when a dude came up in my face.. yelling in my face.. and pushing me with his body? not a soul. really, if i had some true friends and i thought something in my experience would hurt them, i would consider not posting it. but when i got left that day, that let me know i don’t have that here… so i told it like it was. and i will continue to do so without apprehension.

so, after all this… jermaine decides that he was done (maybe he heard himself not making sense). so, i got back to trying to read over my poems. after a while, a woman told us that our presentation will take place in a room in the back of the center. we get there and there are two people there getting music ready. i start chatting with the guy that’s there.. and music is playing.. and he asks me if i had learned the “heel-toe.” i wasn’t sure if we had learned it or not… but i ran across the dance in my research at the library. so, he gets up and he teaches me the “merengue" … and the “heel-toe”. i got the first dance.. however that heel-toe was hard to do. lol. but it was just what i needed to chill out. it was perfect. i can’t thank that man enough. i’m pretty sure he was a blessing (when i checked my phone later, my friend liz had sent me a message out of the blue saying that she was praying that my day was blessed. i love you mama bear!).

so.. our audience of professors and social coordinators arrived… and we put on our little fruity presentation. it was okay. then, they asked us all these random questions.. you know.. “what was your favorite experience..?” blah blah blah… and we gave our answers. blah blah blah. it was interesting to see people’s “i want to go back home and tell everybody i got wasted!” statements turn into “well.. i’m going to take back with me that we are all more similar than we are different..” and all that jazz (and I’M supposed to be the fake one? lol). then, we got to eat some delicious food. like, why is everything here so delicious?! it was curry chicken.. rice… macaroni and cheese… and some green stuff that i’ve eaten so much here but i can never remember the name.. i think it’s called “callaloo”.

after eating, i went back to the room… chilled a bit and then left to go to the opening day of the emancipation day celebration. here in trinidad, they celebrate the ending of slavery in the west indies on the british islands. at the festival, there were lots of booths of food and handmade crafts, clothes and shoes. we made our way to the stage and sat down. while we waited for the show to start, kenwyn introduced us to khurma, these crunchy lightly sweetened sticks. they were like everything else here… DELICIOUS. i had to buy my own bag (3TT$). 

the show began with a few words from some of the people on the committee and there were drums and people dancing on stilts. there was lots of color and everyone, even most of the people in the crowd, were dressed in african-inspired clothing. it was something to see. i’ve never been around that many people from the diaspora who are consciously invoking africa. guess who was the first band to play? dayo bejide trio, the band from the memorial service the day before! they were even better than the day before. 

next was len “boogsie” sharpe. he played the steel pan and he was amazing!  lavergne said he is renowned all over trinidad and tobago for being so good on the steel pan. after having tried to play the steel pan, i had such a deep respect for him because playing the steel pan is extremely difficult. it's so much more difficult than it looks. and, he was going so fast and tapping the notes just right. he was also moving at the same time too. i was really impressed.

 last, but not least was "the dynamic something positive african caribbean performance arts company." they were from brooklyn, new york, but their performance was african inspired. it was dynamic.. funny.. sad... just all around incredible. it was so entertaining. i could have watched them for hours.

after their show, there was an intermission so we decided that we’d walk around and wait for the bus to come pick us up. i went to the bathroom (no toilet paper -_-) and when i got back out, apparently they had found or ran into the lead singer from dayo bejide trio. he was really nice. he decided to just “lime” with us for a while. he couldn’t believe that there were more kfcs in trinidad/tobago than in kentucky.. lol. everyone kind of insisted that we were in this groupie-type of situation or something with him. he was cute, but i have an even cuter sweetheart at home already who has completely stolen my heart. i’d be an idiot to go down any path that doesn’t have david at the end of it. what i really wish was that one of my friends was there… (kristen… you know you love accents! and, he played the guitar!). i’ll try to hook him up with kristen before dr.turley steals him. lol.

after strolling around a bit, we left and headed home. the other students pleaded their “not going to pitch lake” case to lavergne and kenwyn who were easily able to persuade them into going. after all that drama earlier... it took lavergne and kenwyn like two minutes to persuade them. after ALLLLLLL that.......[shake my head]. 

day thirteen - emancipation via red wine

so, i got up and went to take my shower like usual. i don't think i've discussed this before, but the downstairs is open... so, the windows can't actually be shut. therefore, insects and things just fly in and then come upstairs. because of this, i keep my room door absolutely closed, but i can't control what goes on with the bathroom door and the shower door. every morning i go to take a shower, there's at least 2 insects (usually mosquitoes and moths) in the shower. and, the longer we've been here, the more there are. well... i went to shower this day... and i killed like 4 mosquitoes.. but there were even more left and like 2 or 3 moths. i just couldn't deal with it this morning. so, i just washed up in the sink in my bedroom. (i found out days later that the window in the shower room has been open ever so slightly for all these days.)

dr.regis was our lecturer again, and he talked about emancipation day and race/ethnicity. one of the reasons we're here in trinidad is to experience emancipation day, one of the few (if not only) events celebrating the freeing of the slaves in the world. dr. regis explained that the reason this day exists in trinidad/tobago and not anywhere else is because trinidad/tobago wasn't the usual slave society. 1, they had the fewer years of slavery because the island hadn't been really settled as early as other places were (remember, there was no gold here so, the settlement was slow). 2, because britain kept sending captured slave ships to trinidad/tobago and because of the american war of 1812 blacks who came to settle here, trinidad/tobago had a large free black population. 3, trinidad was kind of the "wild west" of its time... people would go there to let their hair down, and it was a really lawless place. because of all of these points, the blacks who lived here didn't have their black consciousness beat out of them and were able to retain a sense of african heritage. so, every august 1, emancipation day, the day slavery was abolished in the caribbean british islands, is celebrated. however, dr. regis stressed that emancipation is not physical... it's emancipation of the mind. and as far as he's concerned, the blacks of trinidad/tobago (and around the world for that matter) have not yet been freed.

"what are we celebrating?"

he explained that blacks in trinidad/tobago are discriminated against ("a subtle discrimination") and are marginalized economically and socially, which was really interesting considering this is the same guy who was talking about how great of a mixture it is here. he explained that the space is shared but the coming together doesn't necessarily happen. a lot, if not all, of the things he talked about sounded exactly like america. black living conditions and schools are generally worse... and it's created a "culture of poverty" where you don't think about 20 years ahead. you're hopeless.. and it's all about instant gratification.

"we might claim to be poor... but somewhere you thought 'i want to be here or there in 2020'... in the culture of poverty, there is no 2020."

 everyone is waiting for a messiah... and guess where they are looking to? they're looking towards the united states because we... are known for messiahs (mlk, malcom x...).

"the west indies look up to blacks in america. you have a lot more that we do not have. and we wonder why you don't do more."

i basically heard this exact same thing in south africa. i'm starting to think that black americans are like ... role models for blacks in the diaspora.. but there's this underlying idea that we're lazy, gangster/sexualized (from rap music/videos) or something... no one ever seems to realize that we're going through the same things in the U.S. that they are in their own countries.

so.. even though there's this mixture of people on the island... and there's brown everywhere, there are these unconscious boundaries. so, dr. regis has beef, and rightfully so, with emancipation day.

it's a beautiful spectacle, but what happens the day after?

after the lecture, i decided i needed to go to the library before it started storming. i told shannon that i was leaving and would be back around/before 4:30pm so we could get our group presentation together. just when i was about 3/4s the way through, the rain came.. and it came hard. i got really dripping wet, but luckily the library wasn't cold. now, this library has so many ridiculous rules. you can't bring a book-bag inside and because we aren't really students here, you can't check out a book. to get pages copied and printed from a book, you have to buy a copying card for 20 TT$ and then pay like .25 TTcents for each page copied. so basically, your best bet is to bring a notebook and a pencil and copy everything down by hand! i tried to find a particular book that dr. charleston thomas told me to look up, but i couldn't find it on the shelves. i think it was in the special collections area, but when i went there, there were so many rules on the door... i was just like "fuck it." i got scared. lol. i didn't want to be in there looking dumb. so, i just went to the very small section about tobago history and basically took all the books. most of the books were written from a eurocentric point-of-view with very little information about the lives of the slaves. i got a lot of information from a big manuscript looking book from some committee. most of the stuff i got out of it were written by a j.d. elder, who i later found out was co-founder of the tobago heritage festival. perfect.

after my hand started cramping up, i decided to go grab my first legitimate meal in a while. for the past couple of days, i had only been eating peanut butter on bread or peanut butter on a spoon. i was cool though, which bothers me a little bit. i don't want to get too familiar with poverty, you feel me? i headed to the campus subway, hoping for a deal. i got the foot-long tuna sub (39TT$) with the intention of making it into 2 meals. the worker at the subway was kind of making things difficult for me though. at first, i could understand what she was saying, and i think i'm pretty good with understanding the accent here, but then she would start talking very low and very fast. also, i think she kept my money because she only charged me, on the receipt, 1TT$ and that was for my honey oat bread. anyway, i headed back to the dorm room. upon arrival, i asked shannon if everyone was ready to work on our group presentation... ... ........ apparently they had already decided on an idea. they decided on poems that described each day of our trip.. ....... ...... and, my days were chosen for me as well...... .. ... ...  [sarcasm] great [sarcasm].

not that i was surprised that they wouldn't wait an hour or two for me to get back from the library... no, the surprise was in what they chose. poems....? the presentation is supposed to reflect what we had learned. and.. they came up with poems about each day we were there. to me... the idea didn't reflect what we had learned at all. those poems could have been done by anyone who could read our schedule... sure, they had little personal experiences in them, but i thought the assignment was about also reflecting what we had learned. not telling what we had learned but reflecting it. doing poems was just a super lame idea to me. i would have rather done some of the dance moves we had learned and/or song we had learned... and maybe a rapso. or even a skit. there were like so many better things we could have done really.... the poems idea seemed to be like two steps above a power point presentation on the lame scale. we had seen some of the presentations from the past... and those were lame. and, our social coordinators and professors had told us about some of the best ones. we had all bragged that we were gonna do such a great job.. so i still have no idea where that promising foundation turned into doing poems. not even spoken word, which has rhythm... or something with some kind of movement... just poems. and each person did their own days separately... so, we didn't even work on it as a group. but, i didn't even complain... they seemed set on it... poems were written out already... so i just went with it, understanding that this is precisely why i hate group projects.. because other people get to impact my grades. ugh! and, i need all the A's i can get.

i went into my room, and i MURDERED THAT TUNA SUB. i killed it. practically ate it in one bite. i wanted to eat the rest, but i reluctantly put it in the refrigerator for the next day. while i was sitting there trying to figure out how to make up 3 poems that weren't corny, treena knocked on the door and gave me the cellular phone. it was dr. turley; she was having problems connecting to the internet and wanted me to help her. i tried to talk her through it over the phone, but that wasn't really working out. so, i told her i'd come to her place and fix it. it turns out, she wasn't at her apartment at all. she was actually on campus at dr.talley's trinidadian memorial service she was having for her husband. i hadn't even heard about it, but apparently, not only should i have known about it, i was expected to be there too. but, turley didn't know what time the event was going to start. so, just in case, i tossed a dress and black high heels in my bag and headed to campus to find dr. turley. the event was going to take place in some lounge that practically no one knew about. dr. turley was there and had no idea where she was, so i had to ask like 8 or 9 people where to go. i would walk a couple of feet, and then ask the next person who walked passed me. they gave me conflicting information... and/or told me to "ask dat person ova dere." finally, i found someone who "thought" it was around the corner. i followed a group of people, and luckily they walked right past the place.

when i got there, i wasn't able to get turley's laptop connected to the internet (she wanted to get skype working so people who weren't there could still be a part of the memorial service), but she told me that the service would begin in thirty minutes. i was so glad i brought a change of clothes! after i changed in a random room nearby, i sat down with turley and the other guests that were there and had a really great time. they were all interesting older women... they reminded me of how i want to be when i get older...  really saucy (bold, intelligent, and foxy). they were all really sweet to me too, and i enjoyed their company. it was so refreshing.

i never got the chance to meet the late dr. talley, but, as i said before on my tumblr, this is the first time in my life... that someone has died... and i felt like i missed out. when people talk about him, they just say the most amazing things. and, you can tell by the things he did during his life that he was the real deal. just like his other memorial in louisville, there was great music, food, and drinks. and i indulged because from everything people have said of dr. talley, that's what he would have wanted me to do.

i was first in the food line because all the ladies at the table were like "you're a student, we know you're hungry!" lol. the lady who was serving gave me so much food too. i wish i had known about the memorial service, because i wouldn't have bought that subway earlier. i had chicken, ?calaloo?, ?some kinda chick peas?... ?some kinda starchy potato-like stuff?.. and a salad. my technique for eating in trinidad is JUST EAT IT! lol. because, all the food is so delicious. people usually come back around and tell me what it is i'm eating, but by the the time they do that, i've already eaten it and decided it's delicious... so, i kind of 1/2 pay attention and later forget what they said. lol. my "eat now, question later" approach has gotten me in trouble a few times though because sometimes things are really spicy and before i can be warned, it's already burning my mouth up.

"dayo bejide trio" is the group that performed, and they were awesome. i even got to chat with a couple of the group members after the service, and they were really nice. to be perfectly honest, i had had enough wine to be feeling MIGHTY good.... not intoxicated...but highly relaxed by the end of the service. i decided to take down my braids...(i borrowed a pair of scissors from a random trini girl in our dorm) and i was in the perfect mood to write those corny little poems. i "practiced" the presentation with the rest of the group, and then stayed up until 3am taking down my hair and watching "40 year old virgin" and "juno." 

day twelve - a day of little india.

today's lecture was on hosay and ramleela and was taught by dr. regis's assistant, debbie. lots of information, so, feel free to skip it. but if you do, you're going to miss out on something i bet you didn't know (cause i didn't know any of this).
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hosay and ramleela are two celebratory memorials within the indian community that take place around the same time of the year (september, october, & november) here in trinidad and tobago. there is a large indian (people from india) community here in trinidad. they make up about 45% of the total population and that number is still growing. i know what you're thinking... how did people from india find their way to the caribbean?

ok. so, when christopher columbus arrived, there were only natives here. they were the peaceful arawaks. they mostly all died from disease, and i found out that a lot of them committed suicide (by jumping off a cliff) because they would rather be dead than be slaves. so, the spanish brought in slaves from africa to do the work. after slavery ended, the black people didn't want to work the land anymore (and who could blame them?) and if they did, they would charge really high wages. so, the government brought in immigrants from india under an "indentured servant" system. so, what that means is a person would come here from india and would have to work a certain amount of years (like 7 years) for a certain planter as repayment for the trip here and for clothing, food, housing, etc. so.... it's basically slavery but with a time limit. however, some indians got tricked into coming here and sometimes got tricked into working for longer than their contract was supposed to be for. anyways, they came... and they stayed. and they celebrate hosay and ramleela.

hosay is a muslim commemoration of the death of iman hussein and his brother hassan, who were both grandsons of the prophet muhammad ("peace be upon him" [and you're supposed to say that every time you mention him... and i don't want no muslims mad at me). after the death of the prophet muhammad ("peace be upon him"), the selection of his successor (called a "caliph," ruler of the islamic world) created a rift in the muslim community... and i think this is one of the reasons why there is no peace in the middle east today. some muslims believed that caliphs should come from the prophet muhammad's ("peace be upon him") family. those people are called shiites. other muslims believed that the caliphs should be chosen by the elite of the middle east. they are called sunnis. so, hassan stepped down from the position of caliph after just being it for six months. a couple of years later, he was poisoned. after a couple of years, his brother, iman didn't agree with who had been chosen to be the new caliph, a guy named yazid, so he went to damascus to discuss his concerns. yazid issued an order to capture iman if he refused to honor him as the new caliph. so they fought. in the battle of kerbala, iman's party was attacked by yazid's army... they managed to not get captured and to defend themselves for 10 days before all of them were killed (except for the women and children). so, this battle and the deaths of the two brothers is what hosay memorializes. hosay lasts for 10 days in october once a new moon rises, and it begins with fasting (no meat, no grease, no alcohol, and NO SEX) and praying. they build large tadjahs.. which are like floats that look like muslim temples.. to represent the tombs and coffins of the brothers. they also build these two huge half-moons (one red, one green.. to signify the blood shed and the poisoning of the two brothers) which someone carries through the streets during a procession on the 9th night. afterwards, the tadjahs are taken to the sea and thrown away ("drowned"). and by the way, women are generally not allowed to take part in any of this (we can't even go into the yard where stuff is built)... and it's basically because of our periods. lame. -_- there's a lot more details that go into.. so, if it sounds interesting, i hope you google/youtube it! i think when it's celebrated in the middle east, people actually hit themselves in the head with swords.. blood and everything!!!

ramleela is a lot more fun though, and i think the disney version of this story is featured in one of my favorite films "a little princess." ramleela is a hindu reenactment/play. "leela" means story.. so ramleela means literally "ram's story." it is a REALLY LONG STORY.. and each section of the story is performed at night over 10 days. i'll try to make this as brief as possible. so....... the world is supposed to be a perfect balance between good and evil, but there's too much evil. so, the hindu god "vishnu" comes down to earth and is born as rama. rama is the ultimate good guy character. he marries sita, who is also a reincarnation of the hindu goddess "lakshmi." she is the highest ideal of womanhood.. which means pure and !obedient!. rama is supposed to inherit the throne, but one of his father's wives makes his dad banish him so that one of her sons can take the throne. so, rama, sita, and his younger brother, lakshmana, leave the kingdom of ayodhya and go into the forest. so, this nosey ugly chick, surpanakha sees rama, who is supposed to be hot by the way because he's the "ideal man," and she disguises herself into someone who is beautiful and tries to get it on with him, but he isn't having it. somehow, he ends up cutting off her nose. she goes back and tells her brother who just so happens to be ravana, this evil, immortal dude with 10 heads. he gets pissed and goes to kill rama... until he sees sita, who is beauitful. he figures out a way to steal her.... and so the great war begins between rama's army and lanka, the place where ravana is from and where he is hiding sita.

rama's army ends up building a bridge to lanka... and rama is able to shoot an arrow through ravana's only weak spot, his belly button. and so, he's able to kill ravana and get sita back. now... in the disney version, that's where the story ends. but HERE'S THE KICKER (to me anyways), after sita gets back, ravana makes her do something, i can't remember what, to prove that she was faithful to him the entire time she was gone cause she was with ravana for a really long time. i can't remember what it was that she has to do, but it is something ridiculous like engulf herself in flames or something. anyways, she does it and is unharmed so, rama takes her back. soon though, she gets pregnant. but... you know how everyone is!!! she was with ravana for a long time before being saved so they think that it's probably ravana's baby. and rama starts thinking it too... so he sends her away. she has twin boys alone, and when they are old enough, she sends them to rama. rama looks at the little boys and immediately recognizes them as his own. he goes back to sita and is all like "oh baby.. come back to me" and all that jazz... but sita is like "HELL NO, i had to prove myself to you not once... but twice." and immediately after she refuses him, the earth opens up and swallows her. WTF? lol.

and here's the true kicker... recently proof that the story might be true was discovered. you see... rama's kingdom, ayodhya is india... and ravana's kingdom lanka is the country sri lanka. and recently they found a man-made bridge that connects india to sri lanka... the bridge that rama's army apparently built to get to sri lanka to fight ravana. hindus in india are trying to get it preserved as a historical landmark through the U.N. because the government/private companies want to turn it into a canal for ships (like the panama canal). the government/businesses argue that it isn't the bridge from the story... that it's a geological occurrence and not man-made... i think they're just tryna make money! because, it definitely looks man-made to me.

india and sri lanka have beef though. and there's a whole bunch of racial stuff involved with it too.  people from sri lanka are supposed to be darker than people from india... you know how it is.. the darker you are, the more evil and dumb you're supposed to be. so, when ramleela is performed in trinidad, the evil ravana is made dark. there is racial discrimination here.. but i'll get into that another day. it didn't used to be that way. and it used to be that women couldn't be in the play. they would have young boys with high voices play the female characters. but, now, it's an honor for young village girls to play sita... but if you're chosen to play her, you're supposed to be very virtuous in your real life and for the rest of your life... so, no parties EVER.
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after our lecture, we took a long bus ride to the caribbean indian museum. when we got there though, the damn museum was CLOSED. and, after a day of learning all of that interesting history, i really wanted to see that museum. it's kind of funny now, but at the time, i was thinking, "how you gone schedule us to go to the museum on a day it's not even open?" so.. we went to our next destination, the temple in the sea. years ago, this indian guy wanted to build a temple because i think there weren't any in trinidad at the time. the government wouldn't let him do it because they said all land was owned... or something like that. it was plain discrimination really. so, he was like "... well, no one owns the sea" so, everyday for months, when the tide was low, he would go out with bricks and sand and start filling in the ocean until he got enough land accumulated out in the sea to build a temple on it. it's an amazing story. it reminds me that i can't let other people tell me what i can and cannot do... i just got to figure out how to do it and then do it!!

next, we headed to the hanuman statue. we had no guide, so we really didn't have much information on what was supposed to be going on. i just know that the statue, which is HUGE (apparently 85 feet tall), was built by a guy who said he had a vision/dream that told him to build the statue in trinidad and it's the only such statue outside of india. according to google, hanuman was a great warrior and protected the gods from evil. he represents faith, friendship, strength, and sacrifice.

there was also a temple nearby called the dattatreya mandir. i think it's a place of meditation. 

after this, we were supposed to return home... but all the other students were making a big deal out of kenwyn's birthday, planning to take him out and other things. he talked them down to pizza, and from the beginning, i knew this all excluded me. i don't even know why i walked into the pizza hut with them... i had 148 TT$ total... that’s like $24 in the U.S. that’s U.S. broke. and i had to live on it for 6 days. i knew it was doable, but only if i practiced self-control. so... no pizza. i thought they were going to bring it back to the dorm, but somewhere along the way, going back to the dorm turned into going to the social club on campus. i don't really know what it is because i didn't go inside. i told the driver to go on and take me to campus...because i mean.. what am i going to do? watch people eat? 

and really, the whole group thing is wearing me down. i hate being in groups. i never liked it. (even, when i was in kindergarten... and i was in the "green group," i was like, "you mean i have to go to the reading book module, computer module, play kitchen, AND building blocks with these same kids?!” lol). i find solace in being alone and privacy... a chance to think. in a group, is always "blah blah blah" because have u ever been in a group and it's completely silent..?? it's uncomfortable. so everyone is just talking talking talking all the time. there's no time for me to really look around and take in what's around me. and, i hate group work. anything non-physical a group can do, i'm almost certain i can do better and more efficiently by myself. and then, there's all these politics.. and i have never been a good campaigner. i can only do it for so long before i'm just like "forget it." there's no one else in our classes... no one else on our trips except for our social coordinators and their families... barely anyone else in our dorms... it's just the same group 24.7 doing activity.. after activity.. after activity....from the time i open my door... until the time i close it. it's become an ever so gentle-like nightmare.