"i am me. disgusted by the world, so i have alienated myself."he came to talk to us about gender and sexuality in trinidad/tobago. instead of just straight talking about it, he used his own life as a guide. his whole premise was that trinidad/tobago is an environment that challenges certain ideas such as a patriarchal society and the nuclear family.
"your responsibility is to prove that they have lied to us by disproving the lies."with the concept of a patriarchal society, the notion that men run society, he talked about how in tobago, women run the society and that most leaders and prominent people in the society are women. there was even a gang of women that would steal and sexually harass people called "the dirty dozen." and within is family, his moms and aunts would make decisions. they decided if and where he should go to school, not his dad. so... how can we say there's a patriarchal society here when clearly this is not always the case? he also revealed the issues with the whole idea of a nuclear family (mother, father, and children) being the ideal. because it's called "nuclear family" in the first place, with the added word in front of family, must mean that before the word "nuclear" was added, family always meant many people/families. he said that the nuclear model was brought about during the victorian era because it is the most efficient way to produce more laborers/children... but it doesn't make sense in a non-urban space. to say someone has an absent father is a really awful and incorrect thing to say here because many work away from home. he said that the mother/father roles are basically bullshit. he described how he was raised more by his uncles than his father (who is known for raising others in the community). and he didn't find out that some people he considers his brothers/sisters weren't even related to him until he was like 15. he has people who are second mothers.. and third mothers... and he also said
"who says a woman can't do the fathering when it has been done so many times?"so, the nuclear family idea only has external purposes... it's just for show. what matters is what each particular family needs. if the needs are being met, then who cares who is there and who is not there? he also talked about homosexuality.. about how the invention of the nuclear family was the invention of homosexuality because in the past, many societies had homo-erotic rituals. he thinks that homosexuality is a part of "body memory"... for example, he said people of black ancestry, when they hear a drum pattern, they have to move/dance or at least the drum rings somewhere in their heart. that's "body memory".. our bodies are remembering how our ancestors used drums to communicate and entertain in africa. so, he believed homosexuality was people's bodies remembering the homoerotic rituals of the past, before the victorian era. his whole point was that the caribbean is a sight to rethink a number of things. it was all quite interesting.
after the lesson, lavergne dropped jermaine and i off at a nearby chinese restaurant to get some of the alleged delicious chinese food i had heard so much about. it looked a little sketchy in there… but i got something anyways. i got noodles, rice, and chicken. the rice and noodles were okay. the chicken looked suspect. i only ate the pieces that i could easily recognize as chicken. i saved some of it for another day… and i’m going to try to eat it all including the weird chicken cause i thought, “i’ve eaten shark and termites… so… even if it is some animal i don’t eat.. i'm past the point of no return already." lol.
afterwards.. i just chilled in my room a bit, trying to write this blog with the unreliable internet. we were supposed to catch a university student shuttle to a steelpan yard at 3pm. it's about 2:52pm. i knock on treena's door to give her her camera batteries that have been charging on my computer. she doesn't answer so i leave them by her door. i head downstairs. no one is there. i’m like “i know these fools didn’t leave me.” i go to the front lobby.. no one there. i come back to the flat, knock on everyone’s doors… no one. go down to jermaine’s door.. no one. so, i basically got left. i ask the front desk people where the university police station is because i know that that’s where the shuttles will be and i know that it's some where directly across the street from our dorm. and i head that way. i see the other students basically walking around in circles, trying to figure out where to go. “hey, danielle! do you know where we should be at?” and i basically said, “well, i thought y’all would know where y’all was going since ya rushed out the apartment and left me.” i was really pissed off… cause i have taken folks to the airport...let people use up my bug spray and anti-itch cream.. gave them change if they needed it.. helped them find stuff they were looking for.. and DEFINITELY have walked with them to places they needed to go just so they could have someone to walk with. i have done something i didn't have to do for everybody on this trip. and, i did all this trying to be a good friend (and also because walking somewhere alone is against the rules of the trip.. and it’s the group's responsibility if anyone is late or gets left behind, and i wasn’t even late, nor have i been even close to being late for anything this entire trip. not even close.). so… what the hell was i supposed to do? what if the shuttle would have actually been there and left? what if after i was left behind.. i tried to make it and fell on a sidewalk or got robbed or raped or hit by a vehicle crossing the street? i had neither of the two cellular phones they gave us to call the people in charge. they had them. no matter how i try to look at it.. from all angles... all i see is
"fuck danielle."
and it's messed up because (forget about the rules) i would have NEVER left anyone behind. ever. and i would have never thought that i would get left considering everyone’s always preaching really strong activist talk and about equality and all that … but how you gone help the other man, when you can’t even knock on a sista door to say you’re leaving? can’t even help the person right next to you? disgusting. but it’s all good... cause i'm only here to have a good time and learn.
and i'm kind of happy about it all because it makes me feel like i’m just in tune with the trinidad vibes. all the students want to leave so early.. but it’s like… why when the professor/bus driver/ lecturer/social coordinator/etc. is going to MAYBE be on time (which has rarely and possibly never has happened in all the days we've been here) and is more likely going to be 10-15 minutes late instead?? i just see it as such an american thing… rushing off to be somewhere. trinis are not this way at all. you slow down. they get there when they get there. they haven’t been an ounce impressed with us being on time. no one has been like "wow.. you guys are on time!" so.. what you rushing for? i wish everyone could feel the island vibe. one doesn’t have to be late… but dang, can we at least not have to wait outside in the heat for every outing for 10-20 minutes or in a hot room that won’t get cool until 20 minutes later when our lecturer will actually arrive? i'm starting to break out in heat bumps on my chest (ugh!) and i’d rather wait in my room where it's nice and cool. if that means i'm going to be getting left behind, i'll just have to deal with it. it's clear to me that i'm on my own which is fine.
anyways, after about 5 minutes, a man came out of the police station and took one of the shuttles and drove us to one of the many steel pan yards in town. when we got there, we got right down to it. our teacher broke down the history of the steel pan... musical notes... and then steel pan techniques. IT IS VERY HARD. cause, it's not like you just hit the pan.. you have to know where to hit it to get the particular note that you want. you have to know how soft/hard to hit it. and, really you're not hitting it.. it's more like you're rolling the sticks over the pan really fast...multiple times for each note. and those little sticks are hard to hold. the whole process is difficult but i think i did a pretty good job. i was on the soprano pan and i really loved the sound it made.
our class seemed to end a lot earlier than we expected. we didn't even get to learn a song. :-( we left the yard and then chilled in our rooms. later, lavergne came to pick us up to go to dr. turley's apartment to eat. dr. talley and dr. turley cooked us a trinidadian feast! it was so delicious. like, i cannot stress enough how good it was. you know how it is when you're eating and your stomach says "that's enough!" but your tongue is like "more more more!"? that's how good it was. goat curry.. spicy mangoes.. chickpeas and potatoes.. rotti... chicken... and more. it's was all delicious. and the rum punch was good too (20% alcohol :-D ). we also had coconut and rum raisin ice-cream. i had both of course. then i chilled and talked to lavergne and her family about some aspects of the trip and played with her adorable son, liam. we all caught "the itis" (you know, where you eat and want to go to sleep. they have a word for it in trinidad too but i can't remember what it is that they say) and headed back to the dorm for sleep.
we're going to TOBAGO today (day 8). i'm really excited. i can't wait to lay out on the beach.
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